- First I would inform the family, get all the paper work and shit out of the way. Hug everyone as they cried and whatnot. Ask for forgiveness for all the wrongdoings I had done. Tell them I love them. You know, that melodramatic/theatrical type of stuff.
- Second, I would give all my possessions, material or money, to the proper people.
- Thirdly I would spend a couple days in the woods, alone.
- Then I would quit my job, tell all the managers to shove it up their asses. Maybe toss something in about, "If I am to die in (particular amount of time) I want you all to remember me," Something life-changing and mind shattering.
- After that, I would make my love take a leave of absence. We would travel to concerts. Sleep in hotel rooms, my car, where ever we could. Eat at all the famous restaurants, I would get her tattoos from famous artists. I would do anything she wanted, I would just be happy to see her happy.
- I'm sure I would vandalize some places, create some havoc, leave my mark everywhere we went. Leave my fingerprints on everything and make sure she wore gloves, so that nothing can be traced. Except to some boy that would be dead by the time they got to him.
- (Nothing too major, don't worry.)
- After the week or two of traveling and such. We would come back to the lovely mid-west where we belong and relax. Sleep under the stars, huddle together on rooftops, take pictures of good moments. Climb trees, collect mementos, paint, draw, play music, listen to music, read, stare at eachother for hours. Learn every wrinkle in the others hands, every color change in our eyes, every vein in our wrists. Talk and talk till we can barely get out a sound.
- We would go see my parents
- Mom first
- Then my to my Fathers. We would all sit and talk, I would make them laugh. Then when my love and father got tired, we would go to bed (this being night thirty-one.). I would give my father the biggest hug ever, tell him how much I love him. And I would lay in bed with my love, we would talk late at night for the last time. Kiss for the last time. Hold eachother for the last time. And when she fell asleep, I would sneak out to the woods. I would walk to where I set up a spot beforehand. A comfy bed, my baby-blankets, my childhood stuffed animals, and a picture of my sister. Then I would smoke a cigarette and go to sleep.
Being selfish is hard, but if you're having trouble figuring out what to do, a list always helps. It's like tricking your brain into thinking about itself.
I think this list is pretty non-descriptive. There would be particular bands to see, particular artists to get ink from, particular places to go. Particular things to do on particular days. But the way I see it, figure out what you would do in this situation, and work on it. Not in such a finalizing matter, or fatal manner, but if you want to travel to see a band, do it. If you want to disappear into the woods, do it. If you want to ask for forgiveness, do it. If you want to sit and stare at your love's hands for hours, do it. You could die tomorrow, or an hour from now, or in sixty years. But at least you did what you would've done if you had known.
I was talking to my friend today about influence by bands. And I told him, "There is no point of making a list of who influenced your ideals of music. Because even if you hated a band and what they stood for, they still influenced you. They influenced you into not being like that. They still pushed you towards a goal." Everything has influence. Everything gives you a push towards something great.
Get influenced.
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